Christmas Time: A Blast from my Past

I'm struggling with holiday "emotionalness" tonight. First, you need to understand that I had an amazing childhood, and when I say "amazing", I mean darn near perfect. I had (have) two loving parents that brought my brother and I up in a loving, happy, stable home. Most of my best memories from my childhood revolve around the holidays, specifically Christmas. These were the times that my family spent together as a whole.

My brother and I
1994

Audri kept repeating "Santa, nice, Santa, nice" as if trying to convince herself
that it was ok to be sitting near Santa. Now, Mrs. Clause, she was ok with.
December 2012

Christmas was such a special time for me as a child. My favorite memories are of my family piling in to my dad's old red "wood truck" and heading to the tree farm to search for a tree. The smell and the sound of this truck are unforgettable and it was always a gamble as to whether or not it started on the first try (usually it didn't). After hopping through the snow in search of the perfect tree, I would watch my dad start up his chainsaw to cut the tree down- another unforgettable mixture of scent and sounds.

After hauling in and setting the tree up in the stand, the second part of the fun would begin. My dad would drag up these huge barrels of ornaments up from under the basement stairs while my mom would start making the hot chocolate. After everything was up (I'm talking four or five big barrels and a few boxes and bags too), we got to the real work. My favorite part of decorating the tree was pulling the ornaments out one by one and asking Mom and Dad where it came from and why it was special. Every ornament had a story, and I always asked, even when I already knew the answer. Some were gifts from my parents to each other, some were ornaments my brother and I had made as preschoolers. Even looking at the ornaments we had made the year before brought up stories and memories that felt like they had happened half a lifetime ago. I suppose for a young kid, a year ago is almost half a lifetime.

This is me in one of the barrels

Then there was Christmas Eve. We always spent this day with my dad's side of the family at my aunt's house. If I haven't told you the story of the visits from Drag Queen Mrs. Clause, you'll have to remind me to tell you sometime, but that's a story for another day... After singing Christmas carols, eating a delicious dinner, and opening gifts brought by (you know who... ^) we would head home to get ready for Santa's visit. I remember driving home on these nights, and they were almost always clear, looking out the car window at the stars and moon, hoping to catch a glimpse of Santa's sleigh and wondering if, maybe, just maybe, this year, he had beat us home and we would get to open our gifts early. Eh, no such luck.

Grandpa, Me, "Mrs." Clause, Santa?, and Grandma
Christmas Eve, 1993ish

My mom and dad would help us prepare a plate of cookies and cup of milk for Santa. We would read a story together and then head to bed in anticipation of the magic that was sure to happen that night.

Christmas morning was always magical. I have no sense of the time now, but I do remember waking up super early on Christmas morning. How early? I have no idea, but I do know that PBS hadn't started airing for the day yet. I remember this so vividly because I would rush out to the living room to see all the loot, race to Mom and Dad's room and ask if it's "wake up time yet?" "Is Sesame Street on yet?", Mom would ask me. I already knew the answer, but I always turned on the TV to double check.

Nope. And I knew the rule. If it wasn't on, it wasn't wake up time. So there I would sit, staring at the screen, waiting for the guys at PBS to get their rears in gear and turn Sesame Street on so I could go wake Mom and Dad up already.

Finally, after hours and hours (or more than likely, 15 minutes) of waiting, it was go time. With the egg bakes in the oven (one for them and one for me without all the "icky stuff"), the bowl of Christmas colored M&M's in front of my dad and the seasonal songs on in the background, we got down to business. My brother and I would take turns each year being the one who got to hand out the presents.

I specifically remember being told "Now pretend you like each other
so I can take a picture." I think we were pretty good actors, don't you?
1995ish

Each time it came to be my dad's turn to open a gift, we would groan... Why? Because my dear daddy took FOR-EV-ER. He would grab the gift, feel it, shake it, turn it over and over, and while he was doing that, he was thinking of the most ridiculous pun that would describe what he had figured was in each box. And more often than not, he was right. I so wish I could think of an example now. I'm sure I'll hear plenty tomorrow morning. And I can't wait!

This probably isn't the best picture to illustrate our happy family Christmas times,
but considering we were both moody teenagers, I think this came out
pretty well... don't you?
Christmas 2000

My parents had so much fun with each other on Christmas morning. My dad loves chocolate covered cherries and my mom loves Turtles. They always give each other their favorite candies. But, it's not in the boring old in-the-box kind of way. They always come up with the most creative places to hide these candies. My parents have even gone as far as opening the candy package, emptying it, filling it with a different gift, resealing the cellophane wrapping, individually wrapping the candies and hiding them in another gift box. After resealing that box, of course, to look like it had never been touched. It was always so much fun watching them try to find their candies. This is another one of my favorite things about Christmas morning.

So here's where I am struggling now. I have all these memories of these great, silly holiday traditions that mean nothing to anyone else besides the four of us. I want to give the same to my kids. I want them to be able to look back in 20-something years and remember these days as some of the best times of their lives. But, I'm having trouble getting my husband to relate this desire to create traditions with our kids. He grew up in a very different place- geographically and culturally- than suburban Minnesota.

Should I even be posting this? This is my darling husband.
Christmas, 1986 (I think), Mexico

My husband's childhood home

It's hard to get my wonderful husband to see that decorating the tree is an event, not a 20 minute chore. I need him to realize that there is a childlike ritual to Christmas Eve night that I miss participating in- it's more than shoving the kids off to bed so we can put out the gifts to he can go so his friends' house to share Christmas with them. I pray for him to understand that Christmas is more than a list of to-dos that needs to be hurried through and crossed off. It's a time to slow down, enjoy this time we have with our children, and create happy memories that will hopefully last their entire lifetimes.

December 2012

So while there are many days that I feel like I have not succeeded at being the best mom I can be, I so badly want Christmastime to be one of those times that I can say, without a doubt, that I succeeded in creating memories and traditions with my family that they will want to pass on to their own someday. Even if its just for one day.

30 Bags in 30 Days

30 Bags in 30 Days

My neat freak lovely husband has a rule that we have not stuck by in our house lately:

*If you haven't worn it, played with it, used it, touched it or even looked for it in the last year, we need to get rid of it.*

Which is a good idea, in theory. But that's a tough one for me, considering I come from a long line of pack rats. My grandpa was known to go to flea markets and auctions and come home with tools, old wooden pipes (we've found 13 so far), tools, glass electrical insulators (you know, the things that used to be at the top of power lines... I think. I don't know why he wanted those things), and more tools. He was a gifted wood worker and mechanic, so all of those tools came in handy.

I remember when I was little and my cousins and I would play in my grandparents yard, garage and basement. There was always so much stuff. But when you're 8, it's not stuff, it's treasure! There were places full of treasures! Garden sheds, tool sheds, storage sheds, 2 old Winnebagos and let's not forget the garage. The garage was the best place of all. It's not a conventionally good smelling place, but I love the smell of it and the memories it brings back.

My grandpa passed away about 5 years ago, and this past summer, his children took on the daunting task of sorting through everything at my grandma's house. And a daunting task it's been, it's taken weekend upon weekend to make a dent in that garage, but it's been interesting to see what's come out of it.

I wouldn't say my parents are anywhere near that level of "packrattedness", but it's not to say they haven't kept their fair share of unneeded items, especially in the basement. I'm pretty sure there are still Halloween costumes from 1989 in a bin somewhere down there. But who knows? They may just come in handy someday. 

I have a habit of keeping things too. My childhood things, baby things, things I found at Goodwill or on clearance that I never actually used.

Needless to say, my husband does not have my same feelings about "stuff", which is where that rule came in. It's not necessarily a bad rule, just one that goes against my pack rat nature. So, in an attempt to get ahead of the game, I made this list of 30 Bags in 30 Days after reading this post. I tried to come up with 40 places, but I just couldn't, so I knocked it down to 30. My goal is to organize one area each day and make an effort to get rid of (either throw or donate) the things we don't use or need. Some of these will be tough. 

By the way, I put my foot down on his one year rule: baby things and sentimental things are off limits. He knows better than to fight me on either of those. :)

So here it goes:

30 Bags in 30 Days

1.       Kids’ dresser

2.       Kids’ closet

3.       Kids’ book shelf and drawer

4.       Kids’ toy shelf

5.       Kids’ other toy shelf

6.       Jose’s dresser

7.       My dresser

8.       My hanging clothes

9.       Tupperware cabinet

10.        Pantry cupboard

11.        Junk drawer

12.        Top of fridge

13.        Our “random crap” cabinet

14.        Utensil drawer

15.        Under bathroom sink

16.        Linen closet

17.        Top shelf in bathroom closet

18.        Medicine cabinet

19.        Movie and game cabinet

20.        Movie drawer

21.        My crafty cabinet

22.        My car

23.        Front porch

24.        Garage toys

25.        Garage shelves

26.        Computer desk

27.        My book shelf

28.        Under basement stairs

29.        Basement storage

30.        Kids’ toys in basement

Little A's Owl Costume

Fall in Minnesota... you never know what you're going to get. Is it going to be in the 70's today or the 30's? Do I need a t-shirt or a parka? Can we go to the beach or go sledding today? Those are the kinds of questions one may ask on any given day of a Minnesota fall. Especially around Halloween time.

I loved Halloween as a kid! I loved dressing up as Pocahontas or as a princess or a cute witch. One huge bummer of Halloween, though, was the fact that it's usually pretty stinkin' cold (especially at night) and my awesome costumes were always RUINED by the fact that my mother made me wear my winter jacket while running around collecting candy on these cold dark evenings (how dare she!). I promised myself that I would never make my kids wear their jackets over their costumes, so here I am 20 years later, on the hunt for the perfect Halloween costume for my kids.

So far, I've done really well with either finding a costume that's warm enough to be worn alone (I think it was pretty mild that year) or ones big enough that the kids could bundle up underneath. This year was tough though, not only because by the time I was ready to shop, the costumes were pretty picked over, but also because I refuse to spend $30 on something they'll wear out, at most, three times.

Big A was pretty excited to pick out his costume, but I have a rule: No Scary Costumes until... ever? I can't stand all those bloody masks or creepy things, and for goodness sake, he's five. He loves superheros and wanted a mask and a cape. Well, school doesn't allow masks, so choice #1 Spiderman was out, Superman doesn't wear a mask, so he's out. We ended up with Batman since it's only a half mask and has the required cape. Problem solved.

Little A was a bit more difficult. Dear Target and Walmart, how do you expect me to take my one year old out in the end of October in a tutu and tank top? Hello people! Sincerely, Me.

All they have for little girls are tutus and tank tops and considering she's a big girl, the warm fuzzy baby outfits don't fit her either. So I was on a mission to give this kid a kick ass (and affordable) costume! So I decided to make hers.

I found an adorable owl hat (about $6) at Walmart and a purple sweatsuit ($3.88 for each piece) (fashionable, I know, but it'll keep her warm).

Then we headed over to Joanne's for felt. Lots and lots of felt. I got purple, teal and hot pink.

Actually, I think the teal was called Peacock and the purple was called Orchid,
I don't remember what the pink was called.

I cut tons and tons of feathers. I probably got about 35 feathers out of each sheet of felt. I bought six of each color, not knowing exactly what my plan was yet. I ended up needing about eight of the purple, three teal and two pink. I think I got them for 4 for $1 on sale.

I bought tacky glue, being the novice that I am, thinking "Hey, this is a good all purpose craft glue, this will work perfectly!" Wrong. After gluing a zillion feathers, I realized that most of them weren't sticking. I went back and ended up re-gluing most of them with hot glue. It wasn't that big of a deal as the process went fairly quickly. I suppose you could sew them on, but I don't have time to sew each feather on. 

Here's what it looked like all laid out before I started gluing.

I ended up changing a few things, but you get the idea

After I started gluing, I made a few changes to the wings. I decided to use the teal to make an edge around the wings, which made them pop a little more. The first two rows of feathers on the wings aren't individual feathers, they are rows of five or six connected feathers. I figured they would be easier to put on the bottom of the sleeves if they were all attached.

So here it is, the finished product. Sorry the picture is so blurry. It's hard to catch a kid on a phone camera.

Who Needs Math Anyway?

Since my last post, I found out that I DO get to graduate! Woo hoo! Thank you changed graduation requirements! So after five years of not attending a single college class, I get to graduate with my AA degree. It doesn't do much for me now, but that means I can enroll in the next program...kinda. 

I need to take a couple classes before I can actually apply to the K-8 program because I need to get my GPA up one tenth of a point and because I have to take and PASS Math for Elementary Teachers...  Ugh. How I hate math! Like, with a passion!

But in order to take that class, I need to A) pass the math placement test and score in to a college level class (yeah right!) or B) take the math placement test and score in to the prerequisite class and take that one as a sort of refresher. 

Honestly, I don't want to, but I think it would benefit me to take the lower math class first. So, until I can get in to take that class, I'll be sitting here on the computer studying math after the A's are in bed each night. 

Woo.

Wish me luck!

Going Back to School!

So, it's been on my mind for a while. Actually on and off my mind. But I have made my decision.

I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL!

My School
I kind of miss that place

I love, love, love my job as a preschool teacher, but it occurred to me, that if my husband and I ever have any hopes of retiring, I need to make a career change. So, I've decided to go back to school and finish my Associate in Arts degree and then get my K-8 teaching license.

Before Big A was born, I was in school and working full time. Knowing my baby was coming in the fall, I decided to take only one class that semester. He was born late in September, so I finished that class and decided to take the next semester off so I could enjoy my new little baby. I had plans on going back in the summer (oh, how I loved summer classes! ...for real!).

Well, that semester off turned in to a five year semester, so here I am, five years years later- two credits away from my AA. Dang it!

Actually, I was looking in to it, and the college I went to changed their requirements since I last went. Back in 2007, they required 68 credits to graduate (I have 66) and now they require only 60. So, it's possible I may be able to get my degree. Woot!

After I get that degree, there's a program that I want to enroll in that will get my my K-8 license. It's going to take me about three years, which will be perfect, because that will put me at finishing right around the time Little A goes to kindergarten. That's perfect, because by then we won't need the daycare benefit that I get now, which is vital. If I didn't have that, I wouldn't be able to work.

So, anyways. I have an appointment with an adviser at my school in about 2 hours. Hopefully, I will get the answers to my questions there and find out where I go next. I'm super nervous and very excited!

If I Had a Million Dollars...

Immediately when someone says "If I had a million dollars..." the intro to the Barenaked Ladies song pops in to my head and the song begins playing- and doesn't stop for a good hour or so. What can I say? That song's a classic. ...After all, it reached number 13 on the Canadian RPM Top Singles chart in 1992. (Thank you Wikipedia)

Anywho. After my brilliant idea to start a blog dried up after two posts, I decided I needed some inspiration, so off I went in search of a random blog topic generator. The heavens opened up and this idea was thrust upon me. Now, if you knew me, you would know that I am a list maker. Not only am I a list maker, I am a list maker of lists I would like to make. In fact, I have a pretty awesome list going on right now here. (Next post idea? I think so.) So I thought I would make a list of things I would do if I had a million dollars.

Buy a house- Fun fact: I am sick of renting. I have a few dream houses in mind with a list of criteria they must meet.

• Old. The older the better. I'm talking turn of the century here, guys.
• Three or more bedrooms (for those three or more children I would like to have some day, I'm 2/3 of the way there)
• A claw foot tub would not hurt.
• All hard floors. None of that vacuum business for us! With a dog who sheds enough to knit a sweater with and a kitten who I am sure will start to contribute to the sweater soon enough, sweeping is easier. Not to mention those kids. Oh, those kids!
• I'm thinking creepy old attic. You know, the kind you find tons of old treasures in? I wouldn't mind if it came prefilled with old treasures either.
• Secret hidey holes! You know those old houses that seem to have secret passages and random little doors scattered all over the place? Yup, I want it!
• Front porch
• A turret or two. I love those things!!!
• Old trees! I'm talking big old oaks and willows that you can hang a swing from or built a tree house in.
• Space. I'm fine with a moderate sized yard, but my husband over here insists upon acres and acres of land. I suppose, being a millionaire, I  would be able to afford to hire someone to come mow. 
• I'm sure any of these will do.

• Pay off my parents' house (or buy them a new one?)
• Put a bunch away for the kids' savings. i.e. College

• Pay off our cars. Maybe buy us each a newer one, however, I'm not picky. As long as it gets me where I need to go.
• At least 10% goes back to where it came from. I would donate it to my church. Right now, they're undertaking a huge expansion project that I would love to be a part of.
• I'd probably grab a handful of hundreds and start handing them out a Walmart or something just for fun one day. 
• Take a second honeymoon to somewhere warm. Mexico? Hawaii? Somewhere exotic?
• When we get back, we would most definitely load the kids up and take them somewhere fun. I'm thinking Disney (if it happened tomorrow), otherwise, I would love to go back to Yellowstone (not as a moody teenager this time) and let my kids experience it (but not as moody teenagers please!)

I'm sure I could keep going, but I have a feeling I may be running out of money here soon. (And I'm getting tired, it's past this momma's bed time)

Fun Fact #2: This blog is really irritating me right now. It's not letting me put these pictures where I want them. Why?! Ugh, I give up.

Weekend Trip to Duluth

Well, it's been a while since we've taken a family vacation, and by "a while", I mean "never". So we thought it was about time that we take a little trip.

Back in December, my cousin announced that she was engaged and asked if the A's and I would be in her wedding. I had never been in a wedding before (except for my own) and was super excited that she had asked us. Big A was the ring bearer (or ring boy as he called it) and Little A was the flower girl. Back in December I asked her, "Are you SURE you want an 18 month old and an almost five year old in your wedding???" She said absolutely! And without hesitation too...

So there we were, eight months later, headed to Duluth for a long weekend. The rehersal was Friday afternoon, so I took the day off and we left early-ish so we could have some time to play and explore before the rehersal. The trip up was relatively uneventful. Which is nice.

We arrived in Duluth around 1:00 in the afternoon and spent some time at a rest stop over looking Duluth and then ventured down to the waterfront. There was a big ship down in the harbor that was converted in to a floating museum, so we took a tour of that. The kids held up pretty well, considering it was an hour long and it was a lot of standing and listening. The guide was funny (and cute) so I enjoyed it.

After the tour, Jose bought Big A a pirate ship model. He was pretty excited to have a "REAL LIVE PIRATE SHIP!" We had just enought time to relax with an ice cream treat afterward before we had to head up the hills again for the reharsal.

Big A in front of the ship with his very own pirate ship.

The rehersal got started late thanks to ridiculous traffic on the freeway headed north. Yay for end-of-summer-gotta-get-north-one-more-time traffic on a Friday afternoon combined with construction. Didn't ya know? There are two seasons in Minnesota. Winter and road construction. Old joke? Yes. Not funny? I know. True? Pretty much! Anywho, the A's did pretty well. They walked up holding hands and walked back off. Precious? Absolutely! I had nothing to worry about! They were pros! Little did I know...But more on that later. Big A's highlight of the rehersal was climbing Enger Tower with his daddy.

Big A and Daddy on top of Enger Tower

Playing at Enger Park before the rehersal

Saturday morning, we spent some time in the pool. I got my hair done up all pretty, which was fun. Then the four of us met my parents at the Duluth Zoo. If you weren't aware, Duluth had a major rain storm about two months ago which was pretty devastating to parts of the city. Roads were completely washed away, as well as sewer systems other utilities. One part of the city that was hit was the zoo. They lost several animals and some of the enclosures were left unsuitable for the animals. There were several animals who are spending some time at other zoos until the place is fixed up again. Big A was pretty concerned about their safety and any impending storms that might suddenly appear and kill us all (he's got some major storm anxiety). Little
A was infatuated with the grizzly bear. She watched him forever and when it was time to move on she kept telling him "Bye bye, bear!" Over and over and over and over and OVER again. Pretty cute stuff if you ask me.

If you're still reading, congratulations. You've accomplished great things. But here's where it get fun.

The kids were lookin' good. Big A was in his dress pants, shirt and tie; and Little A was in her pretty flower girl dress. The music started playing and I, with the rest of the wedding party, walked up the aisle. Pretty soon, Little A wandered up, in the middle of things. She saw me and said "Momma!" and ran to give me a hug. She wanted to stay with me. I pointed out Grandpa and she got so excited to see him (she's a grandpa's girl) so she squealed and said "Boppa!" and ran off to see him.

Mean while, the music kept playing, and on schedule, up came the handsom ring bearer... backwards. Here came Big A carrying his pillow, moon walking up the aisle. Then he walked behind the groomsmen...backwards. Realized he was in the wrong place and walked in front of them... backwards. He handed off the pillow and the best man took the rings, then off he went... backwards! I was half horrified and half in tears from laughter! Then my cousin, the bride came up the the alter and while they stood there waiting for the song to finish, here comes Big A again... you guessed it, folks, BACKWARDS! Everyone was laughing. He moon walked to the little stand that was holding the glass vases with the unity sand. I was so scared that he was going to trip and knock it over. Big A plopped the pillow down on the table and backward walked away. I was going to die! I kept mouthing to my cousin "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" She just laughed. She said she loved the show the A's put on. Someone told me that they alone made it worth the gas money to drive up there. Haha

The next morning, it was time to head home. Big A wanted to see the "up and down bridge", so we drove across it and ended up finding a nice beach at the end of the long point. It was beautiful. The kids played in the (freezing cold!) water of Lake Superior. Big A learned how to skip rocks and Little A perfected her sand throwing skills. Jose convinced Big A to get buried in the sand. He pretended to be The Sandman from Spiderman 2 then. Super funny!

Probably one of my favorite pics from the trip

Big A being The Sandman

We decided to try to aviod any traffic on the freeway for the way back and chose to drive through Wisconsin instead.

Overall, I really enjoyed the trip. It was nice to spend time as a family all together, and I especially enjoyed spending some good quality time with my husband. We don't get that often.

Next trip? A road trip to California next October for his brother's wedding. They're in that one too...

Let's Get to Know Each Other

Alright, so I've been without a computer and internet for like 2 1/2 years now. I mean, I've had internet on my phone, but that's not the same. So today we finally set up this POS computer that's been sitting in our basement that we got from my husband's sister and had the internet guy hang out at our house for like four hours to set up service. I'm 25 and feel as computer illiterate as Mable, the woman next door. Actually, I shouldn't judge, she probably knows more about computers that I do now.

That being said, I've been itching to start a blog for the last year or so. So here I am, trying to figure out what to put out there in cyberspace (do people even use that word anymore? It's been awhile).

Ok, so let's get to know eachother. I guess that's as good a place to start as any. Hi, I'm Rebecca, nice to meet you. I'm 25 and married to my highschool sweetheart, I guess you would call it. We've been together for almost 10 years and are creeping up on our 6th anniversary in a few weeks. And when I say, highschool sweetheart, please don't picture this icky, mushy, lovey stuff. We've been through more than our share of ups and downs and continue to deal with life's rollercoaster everyday. It's hard to go from kids to adults together, especially when life happened so fast. In a year, we bought a house, got married the next month, got pregnant 3 months later and had Big A two weeks after our first anniversary. And we did it all YOUNG, I was 19 when we got married. We grew up FAST.




We have two beautiful, BEAUTIFUL, children. They are amazing. I know, I know. Every mother says that. But, for real, mine are by far the best. Big A is almost 5 and just a little ball of energy and my little shadow. You could say he's "strong-willed" which is a nice was of saying he can be stubborn as heck sometimes and a big pain in the butt. But he's also smart, super funny, sweet and just one of those people who lights up a room with his big brown eyes. (Look at me, getting all teary-eyed here)




Little a is our little girl. She's a year and a half and is the sweetest little thing I have ever met. From day one, she's been my serious one, a watcher and an observer. People always comment that she never smiles, which is way off. She can be silly and goofy and a total show off, but you have to give her some time to get to know you first. Little A is such a little momma too. She's always tucking one of her baby dolls in for a nap. And if she's not taking care of her babies, she's coloring or just snuggling on my lap (or most recently, inventing ways to irritate her brother). I've been told she has an old soul. I guess she's got that wise old owl thing going on. She's content to sit and watch the world before diving in to the action.


I am so blessed to be their mom! (getting weapy again, emotional much?)

Me? Ok, we covered 25, we covered married, we covered awesome kids... what else? Oh, yes. I'm a preschool teacher too. I absolutely love my job! I've been at my current school for a year and I can truely say that every single day, I wake up and don't dread going to work (which is something I can't say about other places I've worked). I like to say I'm crafty. And by crafty, I mean, I like to pin things in Pinterest and have good intentions of completing those projects. I guess it's just a matter of time and $$$, both of which I lack and abundance of. Luckily, I have a job that allows me to be creative. When I wasn't teaching, after Little A was born, I noticed that I had a glue gun in my hand every free moment I could find.

Ok, I feel like I've written the work "I" like a thousand times in this post. Is that annoying? I suppose it's time to wrap it up until I find something of substance to write about.

(46 I think. I counted. Don't judge me)